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The Criterion Daily: https://www.criterion.com/current/category/20-the-daily
Mubi Notebook: https://mubi.com/notebook
Filmmaker Magazine: https://filmmakermagazine.com/
Cleo Journal: http://cleojournal.com/
Bright Wall/Dark Room: https://www.brightwalldarkroom.com/
Wasteland: https://www.wastelandarts.com/
Film Comment: https://www.filmcomment.com/
Another Gaze: https://www.anothergaze.com/
Little White Lies: http://lwlies.com/
The Bechdel Cast (podcast): https://open.spotify.com/show/6BVpJ3TTdjnKbHTR4yBjBM
I want to make a zine for my friends, or start a newsletter, but I’m also the same person who is terribly afraid of being vulnerable/perceived/agonised over. But reading online musings, be it on blogs, Instagram captions, substack newsletters or tinyletters delight me, the passing day of someone, their collected joys. Also, I journaled this down but I met Gracia the day before and realised that I was so happy we’re safe in adulthood. How I feel more solidly, opaquely “me” in adulthood as compared to in childhood or adolescence. And for that I’m grateful :3
Today, I met Pearly for brunch and as we reminisced the time we spent together in school, she asked if I preferred JC or Uni (belatedly realising those were two phases we shared closely). I told her I was happier in JC but I liked the person I was in Uni. I gag as I type, “I was happy everyday” (re: JC), in the way I didn’t stress too much/often about my studies, had Something Fishy (the BEST noodle dish in history, no arguments taken) w teh ping, went to eat Sogurt, Macs, Ikea with my friends after school, sat with the entire class (we took up a few benches) every lunch – something I didn’t even realise until I was out of school LOL. But Uni was my Peak Freedom Days and thinking back to Ling Ma’s Severance where Jonathan told her “The first place you live alone, away from your family, he said, is the first place you become a person, the first place you become yourself.” Took a pic of that, wrote it on 豆沙包 bookclub – a gdocs project P and I share but we’ve been reading fics instead and not uploading much (i.e. at all), felt so bound to that statement, thinking this is me, where I am now, my own person. Also thinking about Jenny Slate’s quote, “As the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain&more precious, I feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love”. I can choke on air just thinking about this statement. And for the past weeks, months, I’ve been hung up on this “image of myself sharpening”, how I see myself reflected – the way I dress, carry myself, the way I think, simply am, is becoming more concrete, solid, opaque, palpable to me, so within reach, I can touch my face and recognise myself. I am also so pulled into/by myself, like I like her! She’s so cool! And I think it’s p monumental to finally feel like this, feels like a big relief and comfort that I’m my own friend, my own love, that I’m coming home, “returning to myself” – pausing to interrupt w one of my Fav Tweets “wishing you a safe return back to yourself” DAMN THAT BITCH ME. Also makes me braver in choosing the company that brings me joy and safety. They always say to step out of your comfort zone but tbh WHAT FOR. I’m happy here, in my room, with Princess (the loml), with friends I trust, adore, think of, like to share meals w.. And I am sated and content. Felt this feeling a few days ago? How sated, a small bubble of joy, enough to tide me through the world and my days… ❤ That being said, P & I also talked about what we wanted to manifest this year and I told her “balance”, she, “Work life balance”, me, “Balance in everything !!!”. The last three months of the year and I really want to anchor myself with better routines for good sleep, food & energy… I am so excited and warm, I want to be tender and open and loving.. !! End of drab, having tonkatsu for dinner 😀
……………………… This was rec to me a few times but it was boring. I only finished about 20k words..
I THINK IT IS SO SILLY TO BE WORKING IN THE OFFICE (EVERYDAY) LIKE MY EYES ARE TIRED AND I JUST WANT TO NOT LOOK AT A COMPUTER SCREEN WOULD LOVE TO STARE AT SOME GREEN OUTSIDE OR JUST NAP REAL QUICK ON THE BED
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